On his third night of the flu, he was walking up the stairs and quietly turned around with a panicked look on his face. I noticed he was turning blue- his mouth was cobalt, his skin was gray, and his fingers were curling in uncontrollably. I started screaming for Trenton to come and he caught Ben's body just as it collapsed, unconsciousness. He fell with such force that when he hit the wall, a metal picture frame was jarred loose and landed on him. Emma was a breath holder when she'd cry, and we'd often have to peel her body off the floor after passing out during tantrums while her body worked at regulating her oxygen again. But Ben hadn't been crying. And he wasn't breathing even after passing out. I stood there literally frozen as Trenton shook his lifeless body, and finally put his head to his chest to feel for breath and his heartbeat. He couldn't feel either. When Trenton began CPR, I grabbed my phone and started dialing 911. Just as I did that Ben's body began convulsing violently, which under normal circumstances would be terrifying, but I was relieved to see life in his little body. Even something so scary as a seizure meant he was still alive.
Once we were at the hospital, he was groggy but alert. He had blown a blood vessel in one of his eyes and had lips that were cracked and bleeding- but he was alive and talking to us. Trenton and I couldn't talk to each other for a while. I was even afraid to look at Trenton for some reason. I felt like if I did look into his eyes, we would be forced to acknowledge what had just happened, and that would have made me dissolve into a million pieces onto the floor of the emergency room.
The doctors and nurses didn't waste anytime getting an IV started with some fluids. His oxygen was still low so he had to be supplemented for a while (which he really did not like). And after about 20 minutes of having the IV in his foot, they realized the catheter had slipped out of the vein and fluid was just pouring into his foot, causing it to balloon to twice its size. They were able to get a good one in his arm and he finally drifted off to sleep. Doug came and helped Trenton give him a blessing, and Christy sat in the waiting room with me, and listened as I tried to describe what I had just experienced. Ben kept saying, in the tiniest, sweetest voice, "I wanna go home. My foot hurts. I wanna go home and go to bed." And when I brought his stuffed turtle and favorite blanket he started crying and said, "Why did you bring that here!" I'm sure he put it together that if I was bringing those things there, he wasn't going home.
I just kept looking at him and imagining if things hadn't turned out like they did. What would I do if anything ever happened to my little boy? How could I live in a world without Benjamin? He is my heart!
Since he had a seizure and wasn't able to keep anything down by mouth, they needed to keep him overnight. Entering the pediatric unit at Penrose was like walking through the pearly gates of Heaven compared to sitting in the ER, with its uncomfortable seats and periodic moaning from the drunk patient a few curtains down that did a face plant on the cement and split her chin open. From the moment we walked in, the nurses practically cradled us...all three of us! He had two "grandma-like" nurses that spoke softly and calmly to him, rocked him, patiently offered him popsicles, and one nurse even kissed him reassuringly on the top of his head. When we turned the corner into the room, there was a full-sized bed that was made, "Cars" was playing on the TV and they had meals waiting for me and Trenton since it was nearly 1 in the morning. I couldn't have asked for a more positive experience during one of the worst days of my life.
Ben slept the rest of the night well into the next day. He had wet through his pull-up and nearly soaked the entire bed, and still slept peacefully.
Trenton and I spent the rest of the day trying to urge him to eat. He wasn't back to normal, and definitely didn't have an appetite, but he was on the mend. The doctor attributed the whole ordeal to severe dehydration, but scheduled an EEG just to be sure it wasn't caused by something more sinister.
As for Benny- he's back to his silly little self. He got sick a few more times once we were discharged from the hospital, but eventually his body kicked that tummy bug's booty. A couple weeks later we went in for his scheduled EEG. That was an ordeal in and of itself. They weren't prepared for us and we waited for 2 and 1/2 hours before we saw anyone that was performing the test. Ben was so awesome though, and just sat and played with his cars as we were waiting. I've always joked that Ben's the type of kid that can keep himself busy for hours just playing with his own fingers (which is especially funny now, because yesterday he was pretending his fingers were an airplane during a long car ride.) Finally the techs showed up and asked if we could just try the test without sedation because nobody had seen the doctor that was supposed to administer the "sleepy" drugs. We went ahead with it. And that sucked.
They put about a million electrodes on his head, which completely freaked him out. Then they turned the lights out, told him to try and sleep, and proceeded to flash a bunch of crazy bright lights at him. He was terrified! Have I mentioned he's two? The tech started getting kind of nasty with him, and that really ticked me off because they are the ones who decided to keep him awake and the only reason we took the long drive to Memorial Main is because they offered the conscious sedation! He could have been happily dreaming if the hospital had their stuff together. Thankfully my mom was there, so she took over with Ben while I stepped out for fear that I might punch the lady. Finally a sweet, young nurse suggested we go to a different part of the hospital that has a TV so he could watch a movie. "Cars" was playing again (I think he's going to permanently associate that movie with traumatizing events) and he drifted off to sleep. An hour later we were back on the road and looking forward to the "Chick-fil-A" I was forced to use as bribery. His hair stayed this way for a couple days after the procedure despite using my most clarifying shampoo. They really should market that medical "goo" as hair gel!
We still haven't heard back from the doctor about the results from the test. I'm not worried though. I feel in my gut that he really was just dehydrated and that everything will turn out just fine. And even if he does have some kind of seizure disorder- we'll take it as it comes. Every day Trenton and I are getting better at doing just that.
I am so thankful for the power of prayer. I'm thankful that Heavenly Father answers them, and has given us the holy ghost to help comfort and guide us through scary situations. I really do feel His love every day of my life.
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